Turning a new leaf

It has been a fun, busy, and exhausting 2 months. I was glad for the winter break, and even more glad when Jace started school two weeks before me!

So, first I'm going to tell you a little story about the bureaucratic system that couldn't.  Jace is on Medicaid, as many of you know. In fact, we both are. Or were, until I turned in our renewal paperwork and we were both kicked off. Now, some of you might be thinking, "You live with your parents; you have no debt; you're a full time student; and you have no job. Why should I pay for your insurance." To which I will respond, "How long do you want me and my disabled child ON public assistance?"  Anyway, all opinions aside, the fact is that I am responsible for myself and my son regardless of where we live, and we therefore qualify for Medicaid and other assistance that I don't accept, I might add.  However, the loophole is this: if you have one child, and if that child is recognized as disabled by the Social Security Administration, then you, the parent, no longer qualify for Family Medical Assistance. That's Medicaid. So.... Nothing in our situation changed, but because Jace's Disability was affirmed by the government, he is put onto his own "Adult"/Disability Medicaid, and I therefore do not have a qualifying child, and thus am booted from Medicaid.

Its a shitty situation, there's just no way around it. Unless, of course, I go get pregnant. Ridiculous. So, I lost my Medicaid, and the process to get Jace back ON to his Medicaid took two months, during which time he was not recognized as "covered" by any insurance program, and was booted from his pediatrician. We are still in the application process to get back into her practice. GRRR.

Lesson? Don't get pregnant unless you know for sure you have a good career, or a husband with a good career, that offers insurance.  Otherwise, every six months you go through absolute hell trying to make sure you qualify (make the right amount of money, have the right number of kids, etc) and potentially end up in the ER with a child who has bronchitis because his Pediatrician won't see him due to his "not having insurance."  All because I didn't finish my schooling before. Don't get me started on the fact that our case-manager mentioned that me being in school would disqualify us. I let that one slide.

Seriously... The system is set up to keep people down. But that's all I'm going to say on that.

So, Jace started school in early January, and I was still trying to get my internship/practicum set up at his preschool when my own schooling started.  It took some SERIOUS work to get my practicum site set up, and my site supervisor is never in any hurry to do anything.  However, I've been working in one of the predominantly speech-delayed classrooms with 16 of the cutest, most lovable 3-5yr olds ever, and I've been thoroughly enjoying working with them.  I'm still not sure what I would define my role as in the classroom. The goal of the course is to give us experience in the human services field.  I never get more clarification than that. We just set up a few goals for ourselves and go to class.  It's fun, though, and I've learned a lot about how things work in the classroom.

Just an FYI, teachers discuss everything amongst themselves, including their hypotheses about you, your family, and what's going on at home. To some extent it is part of the job, but in large part its like being in school all over again, where you the parent are the outsider to the clique of girls talking shit in the ladies locker room. LOL. C'est la vie, I suppose. But I know for sure that working in the classroom is NOT where I want to be.

The rest of my classes are going OK. I have 6 this semester, so it's been a bit rough to get into the swing of it all without a few minor hiccups (missed discussion here, not-so-well-done paper there). I got a calendar started that maps out my daily school tasks and lists our appointments each week. That has been a major help! Just a standard table in word, but I've shoved everything into the weekdays so that if I miss anything I have two extra days to get it done.  I have the gamut of Human Development & Family Studies courses this semester:
1. Observing Young Children (I know, sounds kinda creepy, it's actually pretty great!)
2. Practicum - My preschool field placement course, pulling an A (100%) so far :)
3. Childhood Development (Conception to pre-adolescence)
4. Adolescence and Emerging Adulthood
5. Marriages and Family Relationships
6. Adulthood and Later-Adulthood.

They all are in the same field, so the terminology and theories are the same or very similar. However, they are all on very diverse topics, and the information is on overload, to be sure!  Just 2 more months.... No big deal!!

So I have 2 weeks after this week until my spring break, then Jace's follows the week after that. I've spent my school refund and my tax refund, so we are back to broke, but I did get a gym membership out of it, so I think we can manage.

More to come, I'm sure. Just never know when.

All the best!
mom2jace

Under my D/HH-CI Kiddo's Christmas Tree...

So this season, the whole summer and fall, in fact, have been really good to Jace and I. We finally got his SSI approved in July after 1.5 years of waiting; He received his second cochlear implant in August and connected with it almost immediately, which helped him connect to his original he'd received nearly a year prior; He began preschool at a wonderful d/hh-integrated school in a classroom that has an interpreter, an OT, a SLP, and a teacher who knows Spanish, English & Sign Language; We began receiving his SSI payments in October which allowed me to quit working and focus on finishing my Bachelors and take care of Jace; We've been allowed to live with my parents who have been absolutely wonderful about us being here, staying as long as we want, and who even hint at me having another baby about as frequently as they know I can stomach it (Immaculate conception, anyone? No? OK, not happening anytime soon, then!).

We are blessed. Even if it can be very difficult at times with Jace's OT & D/HH issues and dealing with pretty much no income (SSI is only $440/mo if anyone cares to know... Thats about $100/week, and I AM responsible for my own bills, my and Jace's needs, and our food still), we are very blessed to have a warm home, comfy beds, a loving family, and no major concerns.

We made out pretty well for Jace's birthday with a toy kitchen, a train table with train set, an activity table (easel and white-board) and a set of play tools.  For Christmas, I really want to beef up his manipulative toys and things that can be used for learning routines and boosting language. We truly have hit a language explosion, and I want to capitalize on that as much as possible.

So, all of that said... Here is my son's list, which I've pretty much filled already:
M&D See and Spell Puzzle
M&D Bear Family Dress-Up Puzzle
M&D Food Groups Food Set
M&D Decorate-Your-Own Teddy Bear Bank
M&D Puzzle Storage Rack
LeapFrog Leapster Explorer Learning Experience - Green (will have to get the camera attachment, carrying case and charging base next month)
Circo Boys Will be Boys Bed Set
Learn to Dress Jake Doll
Pretend and Play Cooking Set
M&D Magnetic Pattern Block Set


The last three items are "I hope we get those from family" items. I'm pretty sure that if we don't we will be buying them the day after Christmas ;)  I've asked for no "junk" gifts, and made it quite clear that if any toys come that make lots of noise, they will be sent home with the giver with the power switch stuck in the "On" position and a fresh set of batteries super-glued in.  :) :) :) My parents are lucky enough to live with us, so they have reinforced this request. Haha!


----

Now for the un-Christmas-related stuff:
I just finished all of my finals, term papers and projects this weekend. It felt so good to be done with classes and be able to sit around watching the Indiana Jones marathon.  I've never seen those movies!  I found out today that I received all A's, which I am unbelievably ecstatic about!  I even have a 99.25% in one of my courses!! I have a 96% and a 91% in the other two courses.  I'm hoping this helps me get more scholarships next year, although I don't believe online courses are eligible for scholarships. I'll have to chat with my guidance counselor about that. I'm very excited to have only 5 courses left after this Spring. I will be applying for entrance into my Masters program in just one year!! If I keep up all A's, I don't think it will be too difficult to get in. Just need to write a couple of killer essays.

I don't plan to be on here again anytime soon. This week is Jace's final week of preschool until January 4th, so we're going to spend some serious one-on-one time together before my unbelievably packed schedule next semester takes over my life and keeps me from spending good time with him. Its only one semester. We can do this!

Until next time.... All the Best!
mom2jace

What You Accept, You Teach.... Riiiiiiight.

I just read the first example from "The Out-of-Sync Child" on Amazon and I started crying. That is my son, to a "T."

My 3yr old was born with progressive hearing loss. We spent the first 5 months of his life dealing with "Colic" and I even had his pediatrician suggest that I was just suffering from PPD.  My son wouldn't sleep. He was only happy when we would swing him jettison style those first 5 months. He wouldn't lay around much, always had to be swaddled and/or held, and was a constant nurser.  He didn't like food when we introduced it, but loved the bottle especially after he got teeth.

As a toddler, my son remained a severe fuss-pot. We picked up the term "spirited child" around 1yr old, and it stuck for over a year.  Jace was quick to stand, around 4mo's, but was slow to crawl, sit up and walk. He received hearing aids around 14mo's old and hated them, always taking them off and hiding them.  He received his first cochlear implant in Sept, 2009, and hated it. We even lost one because he refused to leave it on.  He wouldn't eat solid foods, especially those that required chewing, until well past his 2nd birthday.

It wasn't until we began working with a speech therapist almost a year ago that we had any inclination from ANY of his providers or evaluators (he'd been eval'd by the local school board for early intervention services and eval'd by the state for disability benefits) that we had our first suggestion of potential OT issues. In fact, she was certain he had sensory integration issues, and consulted her pediatric OT husband for further information.  We moved 5 months later, and my son had a second implant, so the sensory issues were taken off the burners completely over the next 5 months.

Now my son is in preschool, and we have had our second comment about sensory issues, partially because I brought up our prior SLP's thoughts on the subject. We had another eval by an OT, who said that other than low core-muscle tone, my son seemed fine. "just work on the W-sitting, and other than that he seems OK. No follow up required."  Two weeks later I got an email from my son's preschool teacher telling me he has been throwing himself on the ground, banging his head, and biting his hands.  She said they'd started putting him in time out, but wanted to know if I was seeing this behavior, and if I was, how was I dealing with it?  My first instinct was panic: these people are going to think I beat my child! I thought. Then I reflected, and let the teacher know that I think this is just another phase of my son's sensory issues. As an infant he needed to swing and would flail out with his back like a steel rod when he was unhappy (all the time!); as a toddler he would head butt and body slam a caregiver; now he has turned to the floor/wall/himself for that deep-pressure input he needs. He loved to stack cups and blocks, we call him our little engineer because the manipulative and sorting things are his specialty. However, all other toys are played with aggressively, with lots of banging, slamming, running into things, and other hard-use ways of playing.

I never had a name for what he was dealing with until now. Proprioceptive Dysfunction, a type of Sensory Processing Disorder, which is characterized by sensory-seeking behavior. I never had the time to deal with the sensory issues during our battle with the hearing loss but now the sensory issues are at the forefront, and I seem to be the only one taking it seriously. To his providers, I'm overreacting. To my parents, I'm giving him the attention he wants. In fact,  I just got into an argument with my dad yesterday because he told me "what you accept you teach" in response to my worriedly venting about the head-banging and hand-biting. I asked him what he thought I should do, spank him (sarcastic!), and told my dad that I would not hit to teach that hitting/biting is not OK. He claimed that I should simply walk away; that the banging/biting would hurt and my son would naturally stop if he wasn't getting that attention. This was an idea I could agree with...

So today, in Target, I walked away the instant my son threw himself on the ground. Guess what... my son banged his forehead so much and so hard in that 1-2 minutes that he now has cuts and rugburn on his forehead. My parents' response? "Bet he won't do that very many more times." No, because I won't let him. He would have gone on and on until he was bloody, and they just do not understand that. They seem to have given up on the "mommy factor" (he throws fits more for me because I'm mom) and now they think that it's because I accept this behavior. Maybe they are right, but I refuse to let my son hurt himself. I refuse to walk away from a 3yr old who can't communicate feelings yet (still working on speech/language). I have to believe that trying to reason with him and help him deal with his feelings WILL prove to be the better alternative to pain or spankings.

But am I wrong?

Life Explosion

Wow, I don't know how time flew so quickly, but it sure did it without asking me!

We've been doing great. Jace and I enjoyed a wonderful Thanksgiving with my family, complete with tons of food and time spent with loved ones we don't get to see very often.

Monday we had a great visit with Jace's speech therapist, who claims (and I quote) "Jace is on the brink of a vocabulary explosion." And what does that mean for Mommy? LOTS of vocab exposure.  We are building on routines and, while we are ecstatic that Jace can count to 20 (spoken and signed) and knows all of his basic colors, we are now focusing on building up his knowledge base for correctly labeling the world around him. It sounds very backwards when you say it, but apparently Jace is too smart for us to overexpose him to numbers and colors. He is applying those colors as the item itself, kind-of as a shortcut. Just like all of those brilliant people who can shortcut math and science, my son's mind works in a similar way right now in its quest for knowledge of everything around him. It is short-labeling and storing away.  We have to help him stop shortcutting so that he can truly understand the world around him.  The picture is of a calendar we are using to help Jace sort out and understand what his life is like on a weekly basis. The SLP suggested it, and I'll be expanding on the simple pictures to include pictures of Jace in front of his bus, with Daddy, with Mommy, with Nan (SLP) and with Lori (Sign-Instructor).  What a great tool!

Mommy is now into Finals - took a Sociology final today, have a term paper due in that class in a week, then another final and a children's book to write and then I'm done!! All that in two weeks means I won't be "seeing" much of you on here. Know that I'm missing the writing, truly missing it. However, I am quite excited to write a children's book!

It's late and my pillow beckons.
All the best!
mom2jace

"'Tis the Season" Waaaait a Minute!

I am sitting in Starbucks, which apparently has decided there is no such thing as Thanksgiving.  The Christmas holiday, however, is in full swing.  I'm not sure why corporations feel the need to blow past Thanksgiving. I suppose it has something to do with capitalizing on Christmas, but I gotta think the fall blend of espresso is just as popular around Thanksgiving, and is more in keeping with the tradition of Thanksgiving ending the fall season.  Call me crazy.  However, the hypocrite in me got a Grande half-flavored Peppermint Mocha w/whip, because that red board filled with white letters and outlined with white snow drifts and fir trees just called out to me. "Don't drink the usual Cinnamon Dolce Latte, Kari!" it said. "No! Drink this lovely, half dark chocolate and half peppermint latte.  It truly is Christmas in a cup!"  I fell for it. Hook, line and sinker.  What a lovely latte it is, too.

I suppose I should be thanking Starbucks. Their blithe avoidance of the Thanksgiving holiday certainly puts into sharp focus the fact that Christmas is right around the corner and I've bought all of zero gifts.  Hmmm. Holiday shopping. Not my favorite thing to do, and certainly no fun when you are broke. Thankfully, Jace is fully stocked for toys. He may get some play food for his kitchen and some more Melissa & Doug puzzles.  Beyond that, we (Mommy and an unaware Jace) are planning on donating all of the *crap* that comes with Christmas stockings and presents from relatives who don't know what is developmentally appropriate, but don't ask Mom what would be desirable either.

Mommy, on the other hand, could use a clothing spree.  How is it that I am still wearing jeans that I bought 9 years ago?? Well, I only wear those around the house. However, there are many more that are at least 5 years old. I think I've purchased 2 pairs of Jeans since before I got pregnant with Jace... we're talking 4 years!  Oh, and forget cute winter sweaters.  I haven't bought a nice winter top in well over 4 years. Most of my tops include plain, long-sleeved tees. No embellishments, no cute designs, all very "I don't go anywhere or do anything" looking.  Motherhood certainly killed my sense of fashion!  For the past 3 years its been all about utility. Time to be trendy again!!

Well, back to the daily grind. 3 more weeks until the semester ends. I can't wait for a break!!

All the best,
mom2jace

"Entitled" Ex's

This one goes out to all of the Ex's who feel that their Baby'Daddy/Momma should be footing their bill:
1. I don't give a rats ass who you are, if you aren't my child, I'm not responsible for your problems
2. Any money I make is MINE. Any money you make is YOURS.  Don't come crying to me when you're the one with a job.
3. If I have cool toys for our child at my house, and you're jealous, go buy more toys.
4. Don't whine about having too little time with your son when you can't handle any responsibilities more time entails.
5. While I do feel sorry for you, I have my own problems.
6. I buy nice clothes for my son. I expect those nice clothes to return to my house.
7. If you can't set aside $10/month for gas money to exchange our son, maybe you aren't mature enough to see him.
8. Did I mention that I'm not a piggy bank? Just so you know, I do not have ATM tattooed across my forehead. Crazy, I know.
9. I also don't have Bank of Ex, I'll Get This, or Quick Cash Here stamped on my forehead.
10. I DO know that the local McDonalds is hiring. If you'd like, I'll pick you up an application.

GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR. Ok, that was my vent for the day. Glad to get that off my chest.

Other than that, we are having a wonderful weekend and looking forward to the week ahead :) Almost done with the fall semester, still pulling A's. OH! Mommy had her first Parent-Teacher Conference on Thursday and Jace is a little rock star! As if there was any question. We have just a few more weeks before Mommy and Jace get to spend just Mommy and Jace time together. After registering for my whopping SIX courses next semester (glutton for punishment, AKA need to finish my B.S. by May 2012), I've decided that this holiday break will be spent with no computers, no phones, no tv, just Jace and I going out and doing lots of fun stuff together.  I see the children's museum, aquarium, and some snowboarding in our future. Ah, Winter Break. How I love thee.

Off to bed. All the best!
mom2jace

I can't get enough...

This is me procrastinating. I have a 20-page lesson plan to work on and a 4-page term paper, both due today.  But I'm on my blog because I just HAVE to share a band I've been listening to incessantly for the past 3 weeks. Their name is Mumford & Sons, and they are a folk-rock band out of London, and they are just amazing. They have really touched my soul.  Anywho, check out their webpage (www.mumfordandsons.com) and hit the play button at the top left to hear bits from each track on the album.  youtube them for full songs. They are AMAZING! My favorites (well, all really) are Little Lion Man, Sigh No More, The Cave, Roll Away Your Stone, White Blank Page and Awake My Soul.  There is another track from one of their first EP's called Liar that I L.O.V.E., but you have to covert it from youtube because it isn't available for download on itunes or rhapsody.  I used video2mp3.net to convert it in HQ.

Now back to work. My darling son threw up again this morning and my exhaustion is so far beyond anything I've felt since he was born, so we'll see if I meet my deadline. I'm really gonna try!

AHHHHH!!!

Jace and I have strep, and poor Jace has probably had it for over a week and a half :(  We woke up in the night after my last post, and the poor little guy pointed inside his open mouth, then proceeded to exhale everything he'd eaten that day all inside and down my jammies. Yuck!  I couldn't understand how a stomach bug would reappear after 40hrs of being symptom free, so I took him in and sure enough, the boys got strep. I got a prescription for antibiotics, too, just as a precaution. So now instead of just having diarrhea, he has antibiotic diarrhea.  I'm jealous, though. My pills are nasty. Why can't they give adults that delicious amoxycillin that tastes like cotton candy?!!?!  NOT fair! (insert bratty 3yr old foot stomp here!)

We did feel better today, so we went outside and Jace played with the neighbor children. They are so sweet, especially the 12yr old boy. He's such a nice kid, always looking out for Jace and including him in their games. The family next door has 4 kiddos, and they are Mormon, so VERY VERY sweet! Jace loves them, and the mom and I get along so well.  Their youngest son is a bit on the introverted side. He's six, but he's quiet and shy at first. While he was getting used to Jace being in the games, he sat down and wrote a note. I've attached it, but let me interpret, for it took me a good bit of time to decipher :) "Jace, Thank you for inviting me mason Matheson" To Jace's birthday party.  It was so cute. He was so proud to bring it to me.

Anywho, I have to jump off. I still have two projects due tomorrow that are still in the slightly less-preliminary stages, but still nowhere near done.  Ugh.

All the Best!
mom2jace

Mommy's are Amazing

I don't know how we do it, juggling school, work, kids and all of the curve balls life throws at us. I'm not about to stop tooting my own horn though, because at the end of the day, when I've gone through the bedtime routine, laid Jace down for the second or third time, and finally he's fallen into a peaceful sleep, while I'm exhausted and want nothing more than to lay my own head down, I keep going.  It isn't that I want to be a martyr, or that I believe that to live well is to suffer. It is just life, and we push through it knowing we are working for an easier tomorrow. Well, maybe not literally tomorrow; perhaps a better next decade.

I have always been a slacker when it comes to school.  Really, in life, I've had the persona of "when the going gets tough, run away!"  However, I'm mature now. At least, I'm much more mature than I used to be. I see the way things are, the way life has been, and I see a route to changing the path I've been on.  I'm happy to say that my hard work this semester is being rewarded with all A's. So far. I'm overwhelmed at the moment, but I'm elated to know that even if I slip a bit right now, I will still hold high B's in all of my courses.

Oh, AND, I found out that I am definitely graduating in May, 2012. I will be able to start my Masters in Audiology that fall, assuming I'm accepted into the program.  Finally, a little bit of light at the end of the tunnel!

OK, I'm done gloating.

Jace just got over a very nasty, albeit short-lived, stomach bug. I've never been thrown up on so much in the entirety of my existence.  I do believe I got a bath in vomit. Not a pleasant experience.  Especially for poor Jace, who refused to hang his head over a bowl and had a not too happy Mommy because of it. Pumpkin.

Now he is on the mends, and we are spending a lot of quality time together. We had a wonderful afternoon at the park, and met another 3yr old and his Mommy.  It always makes me sad to see other children shy away from Jace because they aren't able to communicate with him. I know this will pass, I know he will have many friends in the future, but right now it is painful to watch.  I feel worse for the parents, who try to have their children interact, then are embarrassed for their child's natural aversion to the child who can't communicate with them.  Such a strange feeling, to feel sorry for your child for being shunned, sorry for yourself for being sad about having a shunned child, sorry for the parent of the other child, and all the while trying to be OK with it because there is nothing you can really do except try to help your child communicate.

Jace is beginning to talk, though, and his spoken vocabulary is becoming much more clear. I've uploaded a video from this afternoon. Nevermind my constant questioning of him, its a habit you pick up when you spend all of your time trying to engage your non-verbal son in the hearing world.

Abandon Ship!

I've hit the middle of the semester, where all of the group projects, term papers and weekly assignments build up into one big mess.  C'est la vie.  I am always amazed when I see fellow classmates who are working full time. Children are a full time job, don't get me wrong. I have very little time while my son is awake to post on the discussion board, let alone work on a paper or project. However, I feel like working full time and trying to go to school full time, while probably bringing your work home with you and being totally exhausted by the end of the day, would be so much harder!  Call me crazy, but social engagement can be mentally exhausting! I prefer days when Jace and I are alone, sprinkled with a couple of outings a week to keep us from getting cabin fever.

On a brighter note: Jace is 3 years old!!! His party was fantastic, a few neighbor friends, family, pizza and a Mickey Mouse cake. So much fun! There is nothing better than spending time with family and friends. The kids were a riot, and Jace got all of the presents we had asked for. I'm so grateful to have such a loved and blessed child.

We moved Jace to a big boy bed, which has actually been rather uneventful. This was my biggest transitional fear, and he hasn't gotten out of his bed once. I don't know how I got so lucky. I give all the credit to us keeping him in a crib until the last possible second. I feel like he totally understands that the bed equals "time to sleep" and even if he has a hard time falling asleep, just like in his crib, he just tosses and turns in his bed.  I'm a lucky Momma!

Anywho, I can't stay on here because I do have at least 2 projects that are due by the end of the week and, sadly, are still in the very preliminary stages. Read: I've formulated thoughts about them. Sigh.

Until next time =)
mom2jace

It Has to be Said

I do NOT believe we have a right to terminate life. Not in the name of women's rights; not in the name of religion; not in the name of justice.

I believe that life begins at conception.

I am a hypocrite because I LOVE eggs and bacon and hamburgers and the occasional hotdog. I even have an IUD.

I believe only in the event of self-defense should any one person harm another.

I do not believe that being left or right means you believe what their respective extremists are preaching.

I believe that each and every one of us deserves to be treated equally, with the same rewards AND the same punishments for ALL (that includes the poorest AND the richest of us!).

I believe that if we lead with fear and bigotry, we will bring down the greatest thing about our country - acceptance and freedom.

I don't believe that science is anti-religion or that religion is anti-science.

I do believe that the first particle in the universe had to come from somewhere - the UNIVERSE had to come from somewhere!

I believe that if you ask the chicken and the egg, they will agree that neither of them knows which came first, nor does it matter.

I believe that if there is a higher/celestial being out there, he's pretty sick to watch innocent people suffer their whole lives with no hope of ever living in peace, never knowing love, always being scared and watching each other die of war wounds and hunger.

I believe that religion keeps most people on the straight and narrow. It may not be right, but it seems to work. For the most part.

I believe that if we are going to take religion completely out of schools and government, they better be replaced with some pretty strong morals and ethics backed by more than "because I say so" policies.

I don't believe that people are inherently evil. Sly and secretive, yes, but not evil.

I believe that the biggest struggle is the one within ourselves. Fighting our bigotry, our hatred, our wrongdoings and our hypocrisy. There is nothing worse than confronting your own demons.

And nothing better.


I wrote this today in response to all of the far-left and far-right political controversy I can't escape on the news the past few weeks.  I feel like we've all lost sight of the fact that we are all living on this planet together, all made the same way, all just trying to make the best of our walks of life.  I feel like these extremists are just stirring up the fear in anyone they can without realizing the ramifications for anyone who might disagree with them.

There IS a middle ground, a compromise. Not on all issues, perhaps, but most can be peaceably resolved.  The issue of abortion is highly controversial.  It could be set up so that only rape victims are offered the plan B option if they report the rape and the hospital administers the pill.  Pregnancies in which the mother's life is at risk due to the baby are the only cases in which abortion would be allowed, and the procedure, again, is done in a hospital setting.  This keeps the Pro-Life AND the Pro-Choice groups satisfied without compromising too much on either side.  I'm not saying this is the only answer, I'm just trying to point out that there are options beyond one extreme or another, and even very difficult topics can be compromised on.

I really feel as if we've lost a bit of our core values, our core beliefs, amidst all of the propaganda and extremism.  I love defining my core beliefs to myself, as I've done here. It gives me a chance to evaluate what values I hold and what compromises I am willing to make in order to function in a society where we treasure individuality and freedom of thought, where I am expected, as a citizen, to co-exist with others who may hold views opposite of my own.  I also love to document my beliefs and revisit them to see how I have grown as a human being.  I am not the same person I was as a 17yr old. And that person is vastly different from the person I was at 23yrs old. Now, at 27yrs old, I feel I have grounded myself in my beliefs and become grounded and centered by them.  I can't wait to see what I think in another 5 to 7 years!

Striking a Balance

After having some time to cool off from the preschool teacher fiasco, I have decided that ignorance is bliss (as has been made quite obvious by the teacher's... Oh, stop it!) and I am letting bygones be bygones. My son absolutely loves school and I think I can let go of some inattentiveness if it means he gets to have a few hours a day playing with kiddos his own age.  He gets so excited to get on the bus, and I have to admit that 4 hours of peace and quiet to get things done or just veg in front of the TV is absolutely wonderful.  So preschool will remain a presence in our lives. At least for now.

We've come full swing into fall, as indicated by the fall book order catalog in my son's backpack.  I'd totally forgotten about school book fairs and catalogs and fundraisers and... well, the list goes on and on!  I've order nearly $200 worth of books. That may seem like sticker shock, but books are a wonderful thing and we just can't have enough.  We've also dropped into the 30's at night, so out come the flannel sheets, footed jammies, and the smells of crockpot meals that permeate every room of the house.  Nothing says home like walking into a warm house that smells of roast beef and vegetables.  Well, maybe pumpkin pie, but its a bit premature for that.

Which takes me back to a story about my first experience being a single mom.  Jace's dad and I were together from the time he was born until just after his 1st birthday.  During this time, we had dealt with a lot: finding out our son was deaf in one ear, finding out he lost the other, and trying to make our relationship work while disagreeing on almost every parenting issue imaginable.  Ah, hell. How I don't miss you.  Which isn't to say that we don't have disagreements even now, but it is so much easier to disagree when your ex is 100 miles away.  During our time together, though, I tried to be domesticated.  I've never been a cooker.  My meals came from my parents, a restaurant, or whichever box looked more appetizing.  Prep time was 1 to 2 minutes, wait time was 3 to 10 minutes, and clean up was that handy dandy trash can that seemed to fill up every day, not that I could figure out why.  Jace changed all that.  It took time. It took burnt meals and a LOT of patience.  But I've gotten the hang of it, and now I don't even use measuring cups.  I've come pretty far.  Don't go throwing ingredients at me and expect a masterpiece, but I am proud to say that the bulk of my shopping is done in the fresh produce isle these days.

The best part about becoming domesticated is the lessons you set forth for your children.  Parents of hearing children have it easy. You say a word, they hear it, you repeat and eventually the child mimics it.  For a hearing parent of a deaf child, you have to hunt down the words for everything.  Try signing plantain or starfruit, I dare ya.  I am still learning common words in the produce isle. And the problem with sign language is that they don't have a sign for everything.  There are so many words that you have to finger spell.  Which means you either spend the first year of your child's life diving deep into the world of sign (I hope you don't have to work for a living because you'll need all 18hrs of waking time in your day to learn everything in a year) or you have to be OK with the fact that your child will be delayed in learning some things.  It can be very frustrating.  Especially if, like me, you didn't begin learning sign in that first year because you held hope that your son's one good ear would remain good.

This is when you kick yourself over and over and over again for not being proactive from the day you learned of his initial diagnosis of unilateral deafness.  Maybe I wasn't ready, didn't want to face the fact that my son would probably be deaf, as most children with unilateral loss end up losing the other hear, too.  Maybe I was so consumed by my son's overwhelming colic and fussiness that I couldn't think of anything else for the first 5 months, then just focussed on enjoying him for the next 5 months before realizing he wasn't hearing me any more.  Whatever the reason, the result is that I was unprepared to relate my son's surroundings to him through sign at a very crucial time of learning and language acquisition.  He will be fine, and we are learning everything now, but we missed a very important developmental window and we can't get that back.  Commence with the kicking.

So my advice to parents with deaf/hoh children today is to be proactive from day one.  Hindsight is 20/20, and we don't get take backs.  This ties into my ideals about parenting/teaching... Always be doing the very best for every child, and you won't have too many regrets later.

Until next time!
mom2jace

Old Man Winter

I'm exaggerating, of course, because it topped out at 50*F today, which is hardly what one would call "winter."  However, I have donned my woolen socks and sweats, thrown the flannel sheets on the beds and even made a pot of 3 bean chili for dinner tonight.

I think I've been ready for winter since early September, and I'm not even sure why because I hate being cold! My toes and fingers have horrible circulation, I have to bundle Jace to go anywhere, then un-bundle the two of us before he can do water/slush damage to the interior of the house.  I like the first snowfall, and pray for the first blizzard, but when it comes time to shovel I like to find a cozy place deep inside the house to hide from the mountains of snow piling up on the walkway.

But winter is a wonderful time of year. It means more time cozied up with my son, more family get-togethers, and, of course, presents. haha :)

So Much for Preconceived Notions

I know I said I wanted this to be a blog geared towards helping other parents of disabled kiddos (well, more specifically deaf/hoh kiddos), but I've read an article today about bullying and its got me going. So here I go...

The article was about a 50 year old man who had been bullied throughout his school years.  According to the article, he had told the teachers, and they always said to just stand up for himself, yet they never took action while he was beat up on the playground, used as a target in ball games, and pushed, tripped and harassed in the school hallways.  In fact, according to him, they never even noticed.

I bring this up because my own son just entered preschool, with a classroom size of 16 children, 1 teacher and 1 or 2 aides, depending upon the day.  When I first heard that number, I cringed. But I wanted my son to have socialization, and thought he would learn quite well with the example of his peers, especially considering his speech delays due to hearing loss.

WELL, this whole preschool thing has turned in to a major fiasco for me.  Jace seems to be doing well (he's beginning to count, learning his colors, and talking a lot more), but I have serious doubts about the attentiveness of the teacher based on some serious and not so serious occurrences since the first day my son began preschool.

First impressions are almost always telling... So here's my first encounter with Jace's teacher.  She walks in the door, a middle-aged woman with died-Auburn hair, 3 or 4 tattoos showing on her arms, even with the short sleeved shirt she's wearing.  Her mannerisms are laid back, and I get the impression that she is a little hard, rough around the edged, like maybe life hasn't been all that easy on her.  This is the encounter when I was informed that she would have 16 students in her classroom.  Ugh.

Jace's first day home, I open his backpack and there sits a packet of papers.  Jace's first preschool drawing, a parent handbook, and a form to sign and send back to school.  I signed the paper and sent it back the next day. That paper spent over a week sitting in Jace's backpack unnoticed by the teacher.  I wouldn't have thought too much of it, except that more drawings and letters kept coming home, but the paper wasn't being taken out.  Then, a week later, a sippy cup appeared in his bag with his name written on the bottom.  I left it in there with a note to the teacher telling her that it wasn't his sippy.  2 days later, Jace comes home in a shirt from school, with the sippy still sitting in his backpack along with a note requesting that I send a backup set of clothing.  I think at this point it is safe to say I was boiling.  Had that teacher taken a moment to look at Jace's pack, she would have noticed that the front compartment was bulging due to the spare clothes I had packed in there.  Top it all off with a piece of laffy taffy candy in my not-quite-3 year old's backpack, and you've got a hornet for a momma!

I like to think of myself as a rational person.  I understand that there just isn't funding for a 5:1 ratio in the public school classrooms.  I understand that maybe, just maybe, teachers have a full plate and the backpack is the very last thing on their mind.  So, after writing a nasty gram detailing her every flaw, I sent a much nicer, more concise email to Teacher of the Year.  That day, she responded (apparently her attention isn't so divided as not to be able to check emails) asking that I send her an email when I place things in his bag so she knows to look, apologizing for the candy and thanking me for letting her know where his clothes are.

I felt so much better.  Better because I didn't send her a nasty gram; better because she responded immediately and took my concerns seriously; better because I was sure this wouldn't continue to happen.

Boy was I wrong.  The very next week, this week, I sent back the borrowed shirt (now clean, of course) with the sippy cup rolled inside it.  I even pinned a note to the shirt that read "Please Return to Preschool."  I sent his teacher an email letting her know that the two items were in his bag for her and sent my son on his way. That afternoon, I open his pack and there's the shirt, with the note pinned on it, but no sippy cup.  The next morning, I pinned the shirt (with the note, of course) to the outside of his pack, which seemed to do the trick.  At least for that day.

Day 3 of week 3 of Preschool teacher from hell opens with an empty pack, and a leery mommy.  Son is off to school, mommy is working on her homework, and 4pm rolls around all too quickly for everyone involved.  OK, maybe just for Mommy.  My son gets home, we hug, we get milk and sit down to watch some Mickey Mouse Clubhouse.  I open up Jace's pack to see what artwork he has for me, and there sits another sippy cup.  This mommy is about to split her seems. I mean really, how difficult is your job?! And if it is SO difficult that you can't keep track of who brought in what, then maybe you need more teachers in the classroom, or a different teacher all together.

This whole dramatic story I've told has a point beyond my need to vent.  There is a serious problem in our school system.  It isn't a lack of education.  I'm quite happy that my son, who can't even speak clearly yet, is beginning to sound out numbers and colors and has taken a more serious interest in books and imaginative play.  No, it's a serious lack of attentiveness on the part of the teachers.  I'm not sure if there are just too many children to keep track of, or if they live under the umbrella of "everything will be fine" thinkers, who piss me off anyway.  I don't approve of a lackadaisical approach to teaching, or parenting for that matter.  I don't approve of allowing kids to be bullied in class, on the playground or in the halls.  I don't believe that just because we are busy, we should be permitted to be inattentive.

I DO believe that we only get one chance, one opportunity, to be the best teacher, parent, caregiver, moral compass, and confidant to each and every child out there. If we are stretched too thin by the number of children in our care, then we need to ask for help.  It is not acceptable to say "nobody can be the best."   We must always strive to be our best, and we will not fail if we try our hardest and pay attention to all of the little clues along the way.

Now, to be the best for my own son, I need to get off here so that we can play imaginary trains and put his favorite bunny down for a nap :) Until next time...
mom2jace

Welcome

I'm not a blogger. I never really understood blogging. Is this a way of writing your own book? An online diary for all to read? A slow-paced twitter account?

What I do know is that I have a lot to say - usually about nothing, sometimes about something, but always, always a lot to say.  So here we go, delving into the world of Blog.  I suppose I do have some preconceived notions for what this blog will be, but I really want to let it unfold and see if you can figure it out.  Subtlety isn't really my forte, so it shouldn't be too hard, but I'll let you try just for my pleasure.

----

I won't throw you into my personal life without a life vest.  That would hardly be fair; I've only just met you. I can tell you that it isn't typical, and in that respect is about as typical as any life out there.  I have a 3 year old who was born deaf in one ear and lost the other ear by a year old.  God, was he a fussy baby... I remember asking his dad if we could send him back (on more than one occasion!) during the first 5 months. "This baby is malfunctioning; he's fundamentally flawed and we need a replacement FAST!" I would say.  But that didn't happen. Damn uterus has a no returns policy.  Must look into that.

So now I have a high needs, deaf 1yr old and to top it off, his father and I can't seem to make a real go of it. Turns out that after 8 years of being off and on, the off was a better choice than the on.  C'est la vie.  Like I said, I'll take it slow on the personal life.

I'm not sure how many people out there have been broke, single and had a 'disabled' child. I have, but maybe nobody really has an interest in what this combination of circumstances brings with it.  For those who do, boy do I have a story for you.  For those who don't, there's a nice blog about stamp collecting under "hobbies."

But thats enough for now. Next time, we'll talk about infant screenings and heartbreaking news.  I promise not to be a downer.   My real hope is to help someone else maneuver the "system" and deal with the guaranteed grief every parent of a disabled child deals with for even the briefest of times following diagnosis.

See, I told you subtlety isn't my style.

All the best ~ mom2jace